Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.

“Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.”

With that phrase in mind I am proud to say that Randy Giles was my friend. I have to use the past tense; as I recently took a phone call from an old camp friend, “Spinner, got some bad news man. I just got a call from Kim Slaton. Randy Giles died. I guess he had a small stroke on the way to work. They took him to the hospital and he had a massive stroke later at the hospital and he died. I figured I’d call you directly, I didn’t want you find out via email.” I appreciated Glen’s call and I knew that Glen needed to talk to someone who knew Randy. Shocked, digesting the information, we processed Randy’s passing. We chatted about Randy, his sense of humor, laugh, athletic ability, his easy manner, his wily independence, his sense of style. One phrase Glen used resonated with me, “Wise beyond his years.” That was perfect for Randall.

Randy, Glen and I went to camp together, YMCA Silver Lake in Sussex County, New Jersey. When I first met Randy he was a camper and Glen and I were staff members. Randy was my favorite camper. And I am not saying that out of respect, I mean because he just passed, that’s the truth. In six years at Silver Lake, with probably hundreds of kids in my various bunks, kids that I loved having in my bunk like: Gray Goldfarb, Craig Calzaretta, Sean Croke, Chris Casabona, Greg Giordano, Vinny Aprile…the list goes on, Randy was top of the list. Alright, tied with Calzaretta, for all the same reasons. Having Randy in your bunk, I had him in Lennape, Pioneer Unit, was like having an 11 year old junior counselor in your cabin. He was responsible but he also knew how to have fun. Unlike most kids, myself included, Randy (uncannily) knew where the proverbial line was. He got all of our jokes, even though he was years younger, and he really knew how to dish it out and take it.

One of my favorite Randy memories: We had a lot of inner city kids from Paterson, NJ coming to Silver Lake. For some, this was their first excursion away from a concrete world. It’s the first night of our two week session, we are getting ready for bed. I am sitting on the front porch of the cabin as the kids are inside putting on pajamas and grabbing their toiletries for our walk over to the Kybo (bathroom) to brush our teeth. I can hear Randy talking to one of the boys about being scared to walk down the dirt road at night. This kid is dealing with crickets, frogs and darkness like he’s never seen before. He does not want to leave the cabin. Now you have to remember both campers are the same age. However, Randy’s a veteran of a few Silver Lake summers so he tells the kid, “Listen, I was just like you, it is scary but you are better off walking over with the whole bunk and the counselor now. You better use the bathroom now because if you have to go in the middle of the night, it’s even scarier.” The boy takes the measure of Randy and joins us for our walk. On the way over Randy continues to talk to Malcolm to assure him. When we get back to the bunk, and I’ll never forget this, I can hear through the screen, Randy says, “Malcolm, if you need to use the bathroom in the middle of the night you can wake me up and I’ll walk over there with you.” THAT was Randy Giles.

What else can I tell you? Randy was just cool. He had a sense of style, of who he was. One summer he took to wearing a goofy chef’s hat everywhere, just because. And it fit Randy. He never seemed to get flustered, nothing bothered him. One time on the hoop court, and this story always comes up, someone called Randy for traveling. And he freaked. “I didn’t walk. I DIDN’T WALK! I DIDN’T WALK!” As the argument continued, Randy’s voice got louder but it was comical, because it was so out of character for Randy. When my wife, who I met at Silver Lake, told me a few years ago that she and Randy had a little fling back at camp, that made sense to me. If I was a girl, I could see dating Randy. He was just cool.

As news of Randy’s passing circulated, I spoke to other Silver Lakers and we all man or woman, said the same things about Randy: smart, funny, great smile, responsible, good friend, energetic, athletic, independent…The calls came, as they do after friends pass, because we needed to share stories of Randy. Moira Flanagan broke down in tears shortly after we started talking. We were both so sad, but this was different, we were sad about losing a friend we hadn’t seen since the 80’s. During our conversation, Moira mentioned that on an Explorer trip down the Delaware, she and Randy shared a canoe for the 4 days they were on the river. And my thoughts were, that would be fun! What a great combo in that boat, they must have had a freaking riot. Sharing a boat with Randy, or Moira for four days would have been a hoot. God, those were the days. Not only are we mourning Randy, we are mourning those long ago days.

Randy was a heckuva, basketball player. He was tough, smart, knew the game so well that he made other players better. Lefty, and six years younger than me and most of my friends, he was one of the better players on the court. Man could he pass, always putting the ball in the right place at the right time. Actually, Randy preferred to make a nice pass rather than shooting himself. He was competitive but not ultra-serious. As Glen said, wise beyond his years.

I have a picture of Randy having a catch with our friend Woody in front of our old Cabin 15. Randy, with his Met hat on is throwing the ball right at the camera. That is my favorite picture of Randy. Youthful, smooth, engaged in life.

I'm trying to wrap my head around why news of Randy’s passing, a friend who meant so much to me, so long ago makes all of us so sad. I know that I am sad for the people who are still in Randy’s life, his wife and kids, mom, dad, nieces, nephews, colleagues at work, guys he still plays hoop with. I also know that with each passing year and each passing friend we continue to be confronted by our own mortality. I know I am torn up because Randy and I lost touch, saddened by the fact that Randy and I were unable to play catch up one last time. Glen Gruder and I spoke of how we had reached out to Randy over the years with little success. That was surprising to me. Randy seemed like the kind of guy that would keep in touch. I guess, as a doctor and father of three, like a lot of us, he was probably pretty busy. Kim Slaton, a fellow Silver Laker and close Giles family friend said to me, “I don’t know why he didn’t keep in touch but I know that his Silver Lake years were a big deal for him.”

I’ll take solace in that…As the saying goes, “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.”  I’d like you to know, Randy Giles was a friend of mine.